The Name Game

I am consolidating bank accounts, and some (most) have a name on them that differs from my current legal (married) name. This is something that a lot of women go up against. We don't own our names the way men do. I have many feelings about this.

I really do love linking my name to my husband's. I love how that makes us into a unit. We share this, and it makes me happy. I understand the history of women as property and all of that, so I completely understand when someone decides to keep their maiden name. For me, I choose to view my personal decision to change my name as romantic.

However, I want my professional name to remain my maiden name (an aside: "maiden"? Really?) I earned my degrees with this name, taught at high schools and colleges with this name, worked a number of jobs with this name. It has been a constant thread throughout my life. This is the name that is a scientist. This is the name that does the work.

For some reason, my current workplace keeps going to my married name. This infuriates me to no end. I've never had this issue before (through many other workplaces). I have contacted HR many times, and the (white, male) HR rep seems to find it somewhat amusing. But it occurs to me that this is discrimination.

There are basically two groups at my workplace that would have more than one name: married/divorced ladies, like myself, and people from another country. Regarding the latter, some of these folks (mostly Asian) have adapted an "American" name, which is how they are known at work. Because we have more than one name, we have to spend time correcting for this, notifying groups when our name randomly disappears from various lists at work. I've been dropped from meetings, missed on org charts, and almost not assigned a desk because of miscommunication regarding my name.

To change my name on my accounts, I have to send in a copy of my marriage license, my driver's license, and a letter explaining this change, at a minimum. Send in the regular mail. Not fax or email, but physically send this information. My social security number remains the same, so why is this part of my identifier so important to have this level of proof? In addition, I'm not a huge fan of sending pieces of paper with all this important information through the mail.

I was able to change my address, my beneficiaries, my distribution of funds over the phone with no questions, but changing my name requires physical proof. Why is this? I'd like to point out that the latter tasks, the actual management of the money, is what men can do, whereas women have to jump through hoops to change their name on the accounts. (Please note that I am unable to do anything with the accounts until I change my name so I have to wait until that step is completed.)

I don't mind changing my name. But I do mind that there is extra baggage. Is it because only women have to carry this baggage? I believe it is.