#MeToo

If you're on twitter, you're probably aware of the #MeToo that's going around. If you're not, briefly, it was a hashtag started to increase awareness of sexual assault and harassment. If women who had been sexually harassed or assaulted posted "#MeToo", the numbers would help raise awareness of how common this is.

I posted "#MeToo." Like so many women, it happened to me.

It happened on the train. I was taking the train I took every day for my ride into school. This train was packed until we reached the stations downtown where most people got off. The university stop was after all those stops. Most days there were only a few people left in each car. That day, there was just one guy. One guy sitting in the seats across the aisle from me.

He locked eyes with mine, then started stroking his exposed penis. It took me a moment to even understand what was happening. I just froze. I honestly didn't know what to do. Do I leave, which let him know he upset me, or do I stare him down? Do I act like I don't see him? Do I run? Do I scream?

Thankfully, the train stopped at the university. I quickly got off the train, checking to be sure I wasn't followed. I was freaked out and getting more-so by the minute. Did he target me? Has he been following my routine? Will I see him again? I got to my lab as soon as I could and tried to delete the image from my mind. That week, I made sure I walked to the train after work with a coworker and stayed near people on the way into work.

UPenn is in a sketchy neighborhood, which was even worse back in the early '90s. When I walked around West Philly by myself, I was on guard. I didn't walk outside after dark, which meant traveling through the dark, smelly, extremely complicated tunnel system under the hospital and labs throughout the winter. You had to always be careful. You had to always be on guard. Even then, I knew people who had been attacked on Sunday mornings or robbed or just followed around. 

I was so careful when I was in the city. I didn't listen to music on headphones, so I always knew what was around me. I went out of my way to stay in busier areas. I befriended a couple of homeless men who would watch out for me. But I felt that once I got to the train, I thought I was safe, surrounded by all of us going to the quiet suburbs. After that day, I knew I had to be on alert all of the time.

I almost didn't post #MeToo based on this. I almost didn't because I wasn't sure if it was enough. As if this type of thing needed to have a threshold in order to count. This is I first thought: he was just a pervert, he was the one with a problem, I really didn't get hurt. But this was an attack, an attack on me because I was a woman and he could intimidate me. It frightened me. It made me feel like I did something wrong. It affected me. So, I say: #MeToo.