But the passengers were bound to resist

I used to think that sexism would announce itself loudly. "You can't get that job because you're a lady!" "Let me chase you around this desk!" That's the easy stuff to see. It's the quiet, maybe even unconscious, sexism that's the challenge. I remember the first time this was pointed out to me. And once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it.

I was at a town hall for graduate students. It was a general one for grad students in Arts & Sciences. It was hosted by some faculty member (male) and there was mostly just Q&A. Frankly, I don't think there was a theme besides the airing of grievances. The guy next to me had this grid and, after every question, made a tic in a box. Question, tic; question, tic. I tried to figure out the pattern, but I just couldn't see it. Finally, I just asked him.

"What are you counting?"

"Watch the guy with the microphone. When a guy asks a question, he hands him the mic and let's him stand to talk. When a women asks a question, he holds the mic to her and keeps her seated."

I thought, that can't be right. That has to be some sort of coincidence. But I watched and it was true. I saw the guy with the mic practically leap over audience members to keep the ladies seated, while he took his time getting to the men, letting them stand up to ask their questions. The ladies weren't allowed to touch the mic; the men were given it immediately.

Once it was pointed out, it seemed so obvious. And now that my eyes were opened to this quiet sexism, I kept seeing it. Our graduate student group having the women organize the parties while the men were on the committee to help pick department speakers. The men suddenly having to make important calls on the days that we cleaned out the lab freezer. The women being asked to "take notes" during meetings. When you start seeing these things, you see them everywhere.

I can't even tell you if these things are conscious. But it happens so often, it's either intentional or trained. And it just starts adding up: women are to be treated differently. That women are to be put in a certain place. Maybe it's a little thing, but it's a message that we get all of the time.