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Butterfly

It was a different time. Back then, you walked to school without a parent. I was supposed to walk with KC but I didn't really like talking to her and I suspect she wasn't that interested in me. I ended up walking by myself a lot of the time, which, even then, was something I liked to do. I liked having time alone in my own head.

I don't remember the actual walk. We moved halfway through my kindergarten year, so it was never part of my routine, the way the walk to my future grade school would be. It was a suburban Detroit neighborhood, full of houses like the one I lived in. I believed that the world was like this: house after house.

What did I dream about back then? What went through my head?

One day I came home and there it was, in the center of our lawn: a huge monarch butterfly. I froze. I was terrified of butterflies. They clearly weren't natural: they were large and colorful and flew in random directions. I was pretty sure they had teeth. How could I possibly get into our house when this monster was on our front lawn?

I wondered if it would attack me. I wondered if it would stay there. I waited and waited.

So many of our fears are based in illogical beliefs. But they are real none the less. My heart beat faster, I tried to stay as still as possible, tried to be invisible. In my head, I just hoped it would go away but I was also terrified that it would fly towards me.

I am no longer afraid of butterflies. When I see something I fear in front of me, I push myself forward and go to my home.

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