Florence Onassis the Second

There are many thoughts going around about Hugh Hefner, now that he's passed. As with many people, he was complicated. He did some good things (made sex less shameful, championed some groups' rights); he did some not-great things (objectifying women). My biggest issue with him is that he put forward a standard of feminine beauty and sexuality that is extremely limited and almost impossible to achieve. Playboy for so many of us around my age (yes, girls as well) was one of our first experiences with the idea of sex. Of course I had a friend who knew where there was a stash of them in the woods. (Serious question: who was putting all the Playboys in the woods? Why would you put a stack of magazines in the woods? And, yet, there they were.) I remember looking at those magazines and there were feelings. I knew that these images were forbidden but, at the same time, they were appealing. Every girl was so perfect. Their skin was smooth and almost glowed. They had long flowing h...

Let's talk about our feelings. Do you feel good? Are you happy? Are you angry? What is your base emotion? (Have you ever thought about this?) Lorde was interviewed by Marc Maron and they talked about joy. Joy is temporary and many people aren't comfortable with seeing people express joy. It is hard to hold on to positive emotions. Will love last forever? Will beauty fade?  They talked about negative emotions. How you can hold on to anger. That negative emotions can be a constant. You can stay angry or sad. You can cultivate these bad feelings and you can count on them. And, weirdly, those negative emotions can be a comfort.  This really made me think. It is so easy to let go of those positive things. That sunset won't last forever, that delicious meal is soon over. Will you still love me tomorrow? Whereas we hold grudges, we maintain feuds. We can count on our sadness or our anger. There are lovable losers, but winners are arrogant or nasty.  There is alw...

Anyone who's dipped their toe into exploring podcasts knows about "WTF with Marc Maron." Marc Maron is a mid-level comedian who started a podcast interviewing people. He was one of the first to explore this medium, and he has taken advantage of what you can do. He conducts long-form (about an hour) interviews with celebrities that are generally without much direction. WTF is on a lot of best-of lists, so it is worth some exploration, if you're into podcasts. There are things to like about the podcast. He gets some great people and, because of the lack of structure, the interviews sometimes have some surprising insights. But I have a number of issues with the podcast. First of all, Marc Maron is exhaustingly up his own ass. He constantly brings the conversation back to himself, over and over and over. he has three main topics: 1) "I am SO very damaged. So damaged. So very damaged." 2) "I am an awesome comedian who was never appreciated in my time...

I used to think that sexism would announce itself loudly. "You can't get that job because you're a lady!" "Let me chase you around this desk!" That's the easy stuff to see. It's the quiet, maybe even unconscious, sexism that's the challenge. I remember the first time this was pointed out to me. And once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it. I was at a town hall for graduate students. It was a general one for grad students in Arts & Sciences. It was hosted by some faculty member (male) and there was mostly just Q&A. Frankly, I don't think there was a theme besides the airing of grievances. The guy next to me had this grid and, after every question, made a tic in a box. Question, tic; question, tic. I tried to figure out the pattern, but I just couldn't see it. Finally, I just asked him. "What are you counting?" "Watch the guy with the microphone. When a guy asks a question, he hands him the mic and let's him...

I am a feminist. I am proud to say this. It shocks me when anyone acts as if this is a bad thing. It shocks me when anyone says that it's not necessary for women to speak up, to fight for what they should be getting. Have you looked around at all? Do you really think there's no difference? It's not us-versus-them. It isn't about one being better than the other. I don't hate men. Not at all. Men are interesting. Men are sexy. I love men. But there challenges that women face that men can't even understand. There are challenges that some women don't even understand. It's important to call out the inequities between men and women. Silence is acceptance. We need to mention it often and with conviction. If we only say something when it gets to be too much, we're questioned as to why we didn't say something sooner. Let's point out issues. Let's normalize the correction of behavior. We need to speak up. Let's not yell, let's not get...

It's time. It's time to write again. It's time to find my voice and shout it, whisper it, sing it out into the world. It's time. I thought about revamping Garfield Statue (my first and deepest-cutting blog), but looking back on that one, no, that wasn't the right way to be going. It was started when I didn't even know if I wanted to write. It was started a lifetime ago. This is not to deny its importance. I love Garfield Statue. I will probably bring over some posts from there. But it needs to stand. I made some attempts at other mini-blogs. Hey there, all of you who tried to follow those starts and stops. I tried to theme them: my house, my body. You can't keep this girl to a single theme! Or, more accurately, you can't keep this lady on topic. The last one was started just a couple of months ago. It cracked the ice, greased the wheels. But it didn't feel right. This is where I want to be. This is feeling right. It is time. I want this to be...